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Old 23-01-2009, 03:55 PM   #1
olobley

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Sarcastic Office Emails

Someone nearly destroyed my coffee machine this afternoon, and remembering a rather sarky email that came before, I decided on a followup...
Anyone else had similar incidents at their office?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Outlook
-----Original Message-----
From: Lobley, Oliver
Sent: 23 January 2009 15:00
To: <office email group>
Subject: FW: Kitchen.

Afternoon all,
Given that a few months have passed since the great sage Mr Kimber relayed his wisdom to the masses, and that we have had a few more people join the Urban Science flock, I thought that a quick update to the mail below was in order.

Due to the leaving on of the coffee machine while the pot was empty, the IS team had the joyous time of chanting the magic(tm) rites to remove the now hardend caffeine that remained in the jug (this being the last jug after the magic failed previously leaving us without a spare).
To this end (and to improve IS moral), we will be hosting a few workshops over the course of the next week in the kitchen on the following subjects:

*Coffee brewing and me - Making one for the team
*Palpitations - The weaklings guide to the caffeine rush
*They think it's all over - Replenishing what you have taken
*It is now - Knowing the right time not to put another brew on

Attendance is not compulsory, however remember who looks after the systems you depend on, and think about what would happen should they not be properly...motivated.

Cheers,

Olly.

-----Original Message-----
From: Kimber, Matt J.
Sent: 16 October 2008 12:06
To: <office email group>
Subject: Kitchen.

Since we've got a couple of new people having recently joined the company, I thought I'd send round a quick reminder about the first floor kitchen. The milk, tea, coffee, cooled water, sugar and even clean teaspoons are all operated on a "magic replenishment" system.

This means, when you have used the LAST of the water/milk/filter coffee/whatever, or made an impressive and wide-ranging mess of the worktop, you should carry out the following official, Urban Science approved procedure:

* Look around shiftily to check no-one saw you do it.
* Sidle stealthily from the kitchen, hoping nobody notices.
* Deny all knowledge.

The next time you come to use the kitchen, replacement milk will have magically transported itself from reception to the first floor kitchen, a full water bottle will have magically appeared on the water cooler, and the filter coffee jug will have magically refilled itself with coffee as appropriate.

Note that interfering with the "magic replenishment" system by attempting to actually refill something yourself after you've used the last of it can lead to danger, injury, or in certain rare cases death - so is not advisable.

--

Matt Kimber [ Senior Consultant, Urban Science International Ltd. ]
[ TEL +44 XXXX XXX XXX | FAX +44 XXXX XXX XXX ]
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Old 23-01-2009, 04:00 PM   #2
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

Lols, awesome.
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Old 23-01-2009, 04:08 PM   #3
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

LOL amazing!

Thought I was gonna pee at "*Coffee brewing and me - Making one for the team"
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Old 23-01-2009, 05:34 PM   #4
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

Ha ha nice one
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Old 23-01-2009, 06:10 PM   #5
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

Nice, that gave me a good laugh.
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Old 23-01-2009, 06:40 PM   #6
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

pea roast, but first 40 seconds are so relevant

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Old 24-01-2009, 11:56 AM   #7
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

Oh man, it's a long time since I saw that Terry Tate video
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Old 24-01-2009, 12:42 PM   #8
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Re: Sarcastic Office Emails

http://www.returnofterrytate.com/

if you want to see more
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